Screw Queen Victoria's Rules I've Got Money!
by kaworuFanboy
Summary: Hermm, crappy title eh? Silly Victorian AU of sorts. All in all, Zak and Seph are young lords and go for a weekend on the town and obtain a cute chimneysweep.


Victorian Era FFVII AU of sorts. Fluffy lunacy. Uber Uke Cloud! Nothing is copyrighted to me; therefore I own nothing but my imagination here. I bought a Vincent Valentine action figure and the Advent Children movie, that's the closest I am to owning ANYTHING FINAL FANTASY.

Zachariah Fair watched as his parents left for the weekend. He was excited because he would not be supervised for what felt like the first time in his entire life of nineteen years. Screw Queen Victoria's rules, he had money! And he planned on having some fun with his friend Young Lord Sephiroth.

They'd been planning this weekend for a month, when they found out that their parents had been invited to Lord Rufus' weekend long garden party retreat. Initially, they'd been upset that they hadn't been invited, but decided to make the best of things.

It was Friday at 11 am, and their parents had officially left their homes, so the two young lords met up in Lord Sephiroth's dingiest carriage (so as to not draw too much attention).

"Now we have to use aliases so we don't get too easily caught, if anything horrid arises," Sephiroth said.

"I will be Samuel." He finished.

"I want to be Zack!" Zachariah exclaimed.

"You fool, that's too obvious."

"Well you're quite the individual even without your name."

"Which is why I paid good cash for these disguises!" Sephiroth pulled two wrapped packages out from under his seat."Behold!" He proudly showed off a middle class person's fancy silver and black dress.

"What in the name of Bahamut?"

"This one's for me, I got you some male commoner's clothes."

"Thank heaven, but Sephiroth, why a woman's dress?"

"Well, for our first stop, I researched a secret option for customers, and I wanted to try it out."

"What on earth's sake? Prostitutes who want their men to dress up as women?"

"Hush Zachariah, no! No, I want to fornicate a man." Sephiroth said very seriously, looking Zachariah in the eye. Zachariah was speechless. In fact, Zachariah was so speechless that the rest of the carriage ride to the red light district was silent and tense. Changing into their disguises was also very nerve wracking for Zachariah. When they made it to the establishment, Sephiroth said very loudly in the best womanly voice possible, "I'm not into you, _Zack_, I don't mean for you to worry about our friendship. We shall meet each other again in the lobby at precisely four pm at the latest and then rendezvous for supper."

"O..okay..." _Zak_ stuttered, simultaneously glad that he didn't have to worry about Sephiroth, cracking up from Sephroth's ridiculous voice, and excited for what lay ahead. They went inside.

Sephiroth discreetly whispered to the "establishment's" clerk and was lead into a back room, so Zak wasn't sure what Sephiroth was going to do, or who he'd pick. He absently wondered what kind of man Sephiroth would choose. Then he realized he knew nothing about fornication's act itself and began to panic. The clerk came back and asked Zak what he wanted. Zak nervously asked if there was someone willing to guide an inexperienced person. To his great embarrassment, the clerk laughed heartily and boomed "YES, YES, OF COURSE, LAD! BAHAHAHA, I'll get her for ya!"

A few minutes later, he was called up into a room and the clerk introduced him to a lovely young woman. Her name was Aerith. As time passed, he learned that she preferred to only take customers who were first timers for "the act" and was glad to teach them what to do. She was very kind, for a woman in "this business" really. After a while, Aerith decided Zak had learned all he needed for the basics and told him good luck. When he got back to the lobby, he realized it was only two o clock in the afternoon.

He also didn't see Sephiroth. There were no books to read in the lobby, so he impatiently waited for Sephiroth to appear. Two thirty, three, three ten, three fifteen, three twenty-one, three twenty-seven, three thirty-two, three thirty-three, three thirty-six, three forty-five, three forty-nine, three fifty, three fifty-eight, three fifty-nine, four! And still no Sephiroth.

Feeling tense and hoping Sephiroth hadn't been stabbed or something foul, he tried not to watch the clock because it felt more agonizing to wait that way. The thought popped into his mind of how Sephiroth could do that with a man. Did he take the woman's part? He shuddered at the image. The man's part? He cringed again. At four twelve, Sephiroth came into the lobby from the back door, looking a little glassy eyed. They exited without a word until they once again were in the carriage.

"Good Materia's sake man! What took you so long? I was worried you'd been murdered and robbed!" Sephiroth smiled dazedly and made a low chuckle Zachariah had never heard before.

"I think I am in love." He rested his chin in his hand and looked out the window. He was still in his dress as Zak was still in commoner's clothes.

"Sephiroth, you can't be serious!"

"I am completely serious. He was the most beautiful thing I've ever set sight on!"

Zak gulped. "By the way, Sephiroth, your, uh, secret that you shared, since it was so sudden..."

"Nnyes?"

"I couldn't help but be more than a little shocked. I mean, it's sodomy...but...what part were you interested in most? I mean, what role did you take?"

"The man's role, naturally. Especially after seeing that adorable boy!"

Zak coughed, alarmed.

"Not really a boy, he has to be our age I'm sure, but he was just so small I couldn't help but engulf him!"

"Sephiroth, you ARE the tallest person in most rooms, I daresay," Zak couldn't help but interject. "Well I had this very sweet lovely lady. I mean really, you would never think she was a who-"

"Hush Zachariah, I want to gush about mine~"

Zak was very alarmed, for he had never seen his friend this way before. The entire rest of the day was stuffed with Sephiroth being moony about the boy he had, almost to the point of ruining gambling, wandering around shady shoppes, and playing pranks with local youngsters.

As Zachariah went to bed that night in his own empty manor, he jolted up as he remembered the one thing his parents told him to do.

"Get the chimney cleaned before we come back, won't you lovey?"

He tried to figure out how he could fit in getting the chimney cleaned to his and Sephiroth's plans for Saturday and at the best, if he could find a chimney sweep in the morning, he could have his fun for the afternoon and evening, clean things up Sunday morning and have everything ship shape for his parents' return on Sunday afternoon.

He sent a letter to Sephiroth using his neighbor's servant explaining the situation. Sephiroth responded a quarter of an hour later with "Oh fine then. I will pick you up at yours again at one. Goodnight"

And thus Zachariah slept peacefully and woke up at ten in the morning, much later than would be best for finding chimney sweeps.

Zachariah frantically got dressed (quite sloppily) and ran out onto the street and asked passing neighbors if they'd seen a chimney sweep around at all. After a few negative answers, one pointed towards someone's house and said they'd seen a chimney sweep walk out about twenty minutes ago further in that direction. Zak thanked them and ran like the wind. He caught up eventually with the chimney sweep who seemed dejected.

"Hey! You there! Boy!" he yelled. The boy turned around, startled, his eyes big and wide and mouth in a cute little o shape.

Zak noticed himself staring at the boy's mouth as he put his hand on the chimney sweep's sooty shoulder.

He shook himself out of it and told him, "Boy, I need you to clean my chimney, you aren't busy are you?'

The boy shook his head no, still looking a little startled, but followed Zak very willingly.

The boy set up the parlour to not get sooty when he cleaned the chimney, and Zak watched over him to make sure he didn't steal anything.

However, he noticed more and more that he was watching how the boy's body moved, how it looked, and wondering more and more about what Sephiroth had said the night before.

_He was so petite and adorable! I completely engulfed him just by embracing him and it made my heart feel full and golden! He had to take me up his rump, but Materia, how wonderufl it felt! And he was even cuter when he was aroused, he mewled for me Zachariah, he mewled! Oh, his eyes were so beautiful, his mouth so adorable, almost always in this pout or surprised shape, and his golden locks! Oh, they were so soft, it gave me such joy just to run my fingers through his hair!_ ….

At around twelve thirty the boy popped out of the chimney and demurely said, "It's clean now sir."

Zak snapped out of his daze and patted the boy on his head. Soot puffed out, exposing golden hair. Then Zak realized that this chimney sweep extremely resembled Sephiroth's description of his boy from yesterday. In truth, the boy was only two or three inches shorter than Zak, but he immediately understood how the boy seemed a boy.

"How old are you?" He suddenly asked, hand still on his head.

"Eighteen and a half, sir."

"What's your name?"

"Cloud Strife, sir."

"Do you happen to work at a certain establishment servicing men?"

Cloud stiffened, his eyes wide and almost teary. "Wh-wha-how?"

Zak's expression darkened. He didn't quite know what he was doing himself, but he pulled Cloud Strife the chimney sweep towards the bathroom.

Zak filled the bathtub with steaming hot water and ordered Cloud to take a bath.

"S-sir?" Cloud gasped.

"Get in now, or I'll accuse you of theft."

"?" Cloud was very scared, wondering if he'd been hired by a lunatic pervert murderer and would be killed if he did or didn't do as ordered.

"Strip." Zak said sternly. Cloud jumped. He realized that the young nobleman in front of him didn't intend to leave the bathroom. He shyly took off his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt. Feeling Zak's gaze as he finally got to his underclothes. Zak leaned against the wall, eyeing Cloud intently. Cloud blushed, making a very troubled expression and took everything off, exposing his sooty yet sex kittenish body.

Zak inhaled deeply as he saw and understood what Sephiroth had been talking about. Cloud was ravishing, tempting to every sense of any woman or man. Cloud gingerly stepped into the bathtub, soot drifting off of his skin and blackening the water. He cringed, embarrased that he'd dirtied the water so quickly.

"Rinse off, and we'll drain the tub and fill it back up and wash you properly."

Zak didn't notice the time pass by as he watched Cloud wash himself. Hair, then shoulders and arms, then standing up to wash his back and stomach. Cloud blushed deeper as he heard Zak breathe in audibly as he stood up and bent over to scrub his legs, feet, and private regions, which weren't very private at all right now. He rinsed off, wishing for some time to sulk privately or at least soak in the tub but Zak told him to step out and dry off. Zak wrapped Cloud in a towel and used a smaller towel to dry his hair, resulting in a funny obviously-towel-dried hair-do, but clean and beautifully blonde. Cloud was still extremely nervous, silently saying prayers in case he was going to be murdered soon. He barely withheld his tears, let alone whimpers as Zak lead him to his bedroom.

Zak's expression turned more gentle though, as he admired the beauty of the technically naked young man in his bedroom, looking every bit the subject of some pornographic pamphlet (or so he thought, since he'd never read such things). Cloud was so pink around his vital regions, and nipples too~

Suddenly Zak's room door burst open and Sephiroth stepped in, whining "Good Materia! Zachariah I've been waiting for a good deal longer than I feel should-GASP!"

Cloud was even more shocked as he recognized the "intruding" man in front of him. He clutched his towel around himself even more nervously, even though the silver haired man had seen more than enough of his body just yesterday.

"MY DARLING!" Sephiroth glomped Cloud.

Cloud made a (=A=) face and quiet "aack" as Sephiroth planted multiple kisses on his forehead and cheeks. He still clutched the towel tightly around him.

Zak gulped and stuttered, "Sephiroth! I- I wanted a turn!"

Sephiroth looked wide eyed at Zak. "Honest?" was what he managed to say. Cloud felt a little relieved as he realized he wouldn't be cut open or anything, but still was surprised that the duties of his two jobs were combining into one at the moment.

"No, you'll hurt him!" Sephiroth uncharacteristically pouted.

"Umm," Cloud tried to interrupt the two young noblemen's silly squabble.

"Yes, my darling?" Sephiroth cooed.

"This isn't part of what we agreed on, sir." Cloud said to Zak.

Zak and Sephiroth both looked a little stunned by Cloud's words.

"We'll pay you, love. I'd even take you as my bride and then you wouldn't have to work as a prostitute or chimney sweep!" Sephiroth sing-songed.

Cloud and Zack: (*__*')

And so, there was a great rumpus in the house, the likes of which have rarely been seen.

The tentative end.

~A/N I know I'm not a great author by any means, but I do enjoy thinking up crazy fun fanfic situations and since I'm the only one who knows how I want things to be...you have to put up with my writing, haha. In English classes, I've always been told my essays have good voice and flow, but when it comes to writing stories, I have no real experience. Lots of emo-sounding poetry, but no real good fiction. SO, the point of this IS, if you care, I'd appreciate any constructive feedback. Thanks! ~Mika Mikhailovna ^_^


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